September 12, 2009

Derek and I had talked about this day a while back. We knew it was coming...we were just so busy that...we both kinda...forgot!!!

Maybe it was the AWESOME surprise party that Grace threw for Frank's 30th birthday...

Nothing like a day at the ball park!

WRIGLEY FIELD...of course!!!

Nicely done Grace...he was so surprised!



A private, Mezzanine Suite/sky box to celebrate!


Maybe we were star struck from sitting 2 boxes away from Alyssa Milano...

Maybe we were even more excited about sitting RIGHT NEXT to The Fray...

We went home to clean up and get ready for the U2 concert. Derek showered, I ate a pear... it ALWAYS takes me back. The taste of a pear. I don't eat them often, but when I do, it takes me back in a second...

8 years old. The first meal back home from the hospital. Saturday. Lunch time.
Turkey Sandwich. 3 pieces of turkey. 2 pieces of white bread.

Milk. Measured out exactly. 1 cup. 2%.

Cooked carrots. Measured out exactly. 1/2 cup.

1 PEAR.

It still didn't dawn on me!!!

Off to the concert we went...

What a way to end the night...concert at Soldier Field.

The stage was set.

Snow Patrol opened...wearing a Bears shirt...how perfect!

Out they came...U2!!!

Maybe it was the words they were singing...

STUCK IN A MOMENT

I'm not afraid

Of anything in this world

There's nothing you can throw at me

That I haven't already heard

I'm just trying to find

A decent melody

A song that I can sing

In my own company

You've got to get yourself together

You've got stuck in a moment

And now you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better

Now you're stuck in a moment

And you can't get out of it

And you are such a fool

To worry like you do

I know it's tough

And you can never get enough

Of what you don't really need now

My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together

You've got stuck in a moment

And you can't get out of it

Oh love, look at you now

You've got yourself stuck in a moment

And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over

And if the day won't last

And if your way should falter

Along this stony pass

It's just a moment

This time will pass

Maybe I felt like I was stuck in a moment.

Maybe I felt like I needed to get myself together.

Maybe I'm a fool, for worrying like I do.

Maybe I knew this would eventually pass.

The music was amazing.

The cool breeze was blowing.

...And it FINALLY hit me!!!

It was September 12, 1989...

An anniversary.

20 years of living with Diabetes.

I got a little emotional, as I often do...but thought, "What a perfect day!"

A busy, exciting, packed day of celebrating.

Diabetes did not get in the way of the day.

Sure, I had some high blood sugar readings and got real thirsty at some point.

...but I was happy to end the day, thinking back and celebrating...

20 healthy years!!!

Let the Summer Concerts Begin...

Last Friday's doctor's appointment left me feeling DEFEATED!!!! It really threw off my ENTIRE weekend. By Sunday night, I was still emotional about it!

Despite the frustration on Friday, it was a great weekend! We saw Augustana and Counting Crows at The Taste with friends. A great kick-off to our summer of concerts!!! Many more to come!!!

Augustana


Counting Crows


The Engers
(So we're not rock-stars...but our parents thing we are really cool!!!)

Ryan & Derek, re-living the college days!

Sarah & Shawn
(They're getting married in a few months!!!!)

Buckingham Fountain
(courtesy of Derek's awesome photo-skills!!!)

Lunch today with Ilene at Yolk (a GREAT breakfast place on Wells)!!!
[Confession: I stole this picture off of her blog from when she went earlier this week... since we didn't take any pictures today!!!]
I had to get a picture in, since the place is just too cute!!!
Ilene is the first girl on the left, next to her boyfriend, Ryan...aren't they cute?!?!
Thanks Ilene...looking forward to our next lunch date!!!

And to finish off the work week, a wonderful latte from my AMAZING co-worker (and friend)...Shelly!!!
Thanks Shelly...there IS light at the end of the tunnel :)

...NOW I'm ready for the long weekend!!!
(I may tackle another set of fasting tests...we'll see how motivated I get!)

Doctors are supposed to HELP their patients...

Had my 3 month follow up with my endocrinologist this morning.

Nothing new. I have to do a bunch of other fasting tests and tighten some things up.

Maybe it's my sensitive Swedish side...or my emotional Italian side...but I just couldn't stop crying after my appointment!!!

I sat in the parking lot, trying to calm down...and kept crying.

I cried all the way back home.

I sat at our apartment and cried for 30 minutes.

I blasted the fan in my face, blew my nose like crazy, put some eye drops in my eyes, re-did my makeup, pulled myself together, and went in to work.

She was just sooooo rude!!! She walked in the door, looking at the read-out from my pump download and said, "Wow...this is a mess."

She didn't even say hi, shake my hand, ask how I was doing!!!

She interrupted me throughout the entire appointment, cut me off, blew off my concerns, didn't listen to my questions, and was just plain RUDE!!! I walked away discouraged and overwhelmed.

To top it off, her breathe reeked like coffee butt!!! I know that's not a smell or a real thing, but it's the only thing I can think to describe it! A sweaty butt mixed with coffee. YIKES!!!!

I couldn't even call Derek or my mom to let them know how my appointment went...I was just too emotional. I started to text Derek and then got teary-eyed. I eventually emailed my mom and cousin. My mom knew right away that something was up when she didn't hear from me this morning.

Considering switching to one of her other partners in the practice. The only thing is, she has to sign off and ok it. This is not the first time this has happened. Looking back, I come home from just about every appointment, upset!

I know this is MY disease and I need to do everything I can to control it, become healthier, etc. BUT...she is part of my team and is supposed to be there to advocate for me and support me.

Well, the morning was bad, but it's behind me. The weather is great and we have a fun weekend ahead of us (mixed with fasting tests in between...aaaarrrgggggg...but I'll survive).

On a REALLY great note, I took an early lunch break (because I needed it, but because I also had to finish eating by 1pm, so I could fast and test from 6pm-midnight tonight).

I went up to a room where I didn't think anyone would be, so I could calm down, or continue sulking and crying if I felt like it. Some girls were up there, singing and playing guitar. It was BEAUTIFUL!!! They even played my favorite hymn, "Come Thou Fount". The songs were filled with reminders from God that I needed to hear!!!

I sat there, enjoying the music...and tried not to cry again!!!

Sparrows & Lillies...and resting in God's Sovereignty and Perfect Design...

Matthew 6:25-34
²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^">?

²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 10:30-31
³⁰And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. ³¹So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

A Good Reminder & Challenge...

"God allows in His wisdom, that which He could easily prevent by His power."

The quote above is from a video that our staff at work just watched together. It is about a 37 year old wife and mother of 2 little kids who is dying of cancer. Her message and testimony was exactly what I needed to hear.

Check it out for yourself: http://deathisnotdying.com/eventvideo/

I finally got my running for the week done last night, after complications and diabetes-related issues kept me from running on Tuesday morning, Tuesday night, Wednesday morning, Wednesday night, and then AGAIN Thursday morning!!!

I just kept saying, "Well, tomorrow is a new day. I'll try again and keep experimenting with my insulin, numbers, food, etc. til I finally get it right."

The frustration added up little by little but ended with my 25 minute run around our neighborhood before dinner last night. I got a nice little tour of our neighborhood, the weather was perfect, I was listening to great music, my muscles ached when I was done...but it was a good ache of accomplishment!!! And best of all, my numbers seemed to be good and steady.

By the time I had finished making dinner, it was 7:30pm and my blood sugar had shot up to 297...which meant I wouldn't be eating for a while. I told Derek to go ahead without me while I pumped up some more insulin and finished putting things away.

"I'm just so frustrated!" I said to Derek. "Hey, at least you got your running done for the week. That's great!" Derek replied. "I know. I'm trying not to get down about it. I'm sure I'll just cry and then be ok in a little bit." I said as I tried to hold back my tears and think about anything else but my stupid high blood sugar. "Don't cry," Derek said.

I walked in the other room where Derek was eating, and as the tears started to roll down my face, I sat on floor and began to stretch. The tears were still flowing. I got up and stretched out my legs again, turning my back so Derek couldn't see I was still crying, and fought to not have one of those, "Why me? Why Diabetes?" moments.

Rachel Barkey, the woman in the video with cancer talked about having a moment of being frustrated and angry with having cancer. She said that although it happens, she tries not to have those moments. She does not want to throw up her fists at God, yelling and telling him that His plan didn't work out right for her life, that he is not in control or all knowing.

When I heard her say this, I saw that in me (and then I started to cry!). Not that I intentionally throw my fists up at God and yell, but in the times where I think that life without Diabetes would be much easier or when I start to wonder why and what the point is, I kind of am doubting God. God isn't shocked that I have Diabetes. He knew I could handle it when he allowed it.

Sure, He could've prevented it, but..."God allows in His wisdom, that which He could easily prevent by His power."

So again, I find myself being reminded that its not important to know why me or to imagine what life would be like without Diabetes. The fact is, I have it and I'm gonna use it to God's glory, doing the best that I can to control the disease.

Maybe I'd be super unhealthy and lazy with out Diabetes? Maybe it's forced me to be healthy!!!

They are coming so close to a cure and it's such an exciting time with so many resources out there on how to be healthier.

So, in the meantime I will...."run with perseverance the race marked out for [me]. [I will] fix [my] eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of [my] faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3.

...and THAT warmed my heart!!!

There is a group of women at work who are training for the half marathon, that is coming up on September 13th.
I was asked to join the group.

Why WOULDN'T I join? These women are AMAZING!!! Some of the godliest and most funny women I know! I'd love to spend the Saturday mornings training with them (even though I can't run the race due to a wedding we have on the day of the race)!

I need the accountability and encouragement, this will help me get in shape for my cousin's upcoming wedding, AND will help get me back on track for overall health as I get my body prepared for pregnancy (again, I remind you....DOWN THE ROAD...4-5 years, or so).

Well, of course in the back of my mind, I worry about my blood sugar being too low or high while running.

I woke up early this morning to run. I was too low, so I took some carbs, waited and was fine...halfway through, I was too high and had to stop! It just set the trend for an "up and down" day :(

I was discouraged, but figured, well, that's enough for today, I'll wake up tomorrow and try again. And now it's a challenge...to figure out the right routine to keep my numbers in control while being able to get a good, hard workout in at the same time.

And with that I went to work, to find an email from one of my amazing co-workers. I shared some of my hesitations AND excitements with her. Her response warmed my heart and even got me choked up a bit:

"Ok, I’m SOOOOO glad you’ll come to our Saturday runs!! I really think it’ll be a great time. Will your blood sugar levels make it difficult to run? Whatever it takes to make sure you’re ok, we’ll do it!! And you’ll be the fittest bridesmaid EVER :)"

One Glorious Year!!

Words can not express how amazing this last year has been.
It's hard to believe how fast it has flown by.
We are so blessed and have so much to be thankful for.

I love sitting back and thinking through all the details of our relationship, how it began, when we were just "good friends" back in college, our first kiss, when he told me he loved me for the first time, the proposal, etc...I get giddy just thinking about it!!!

We had a great time, stretching out the celebration between 2 weekends because we just had so much to celebrate!!!

Friday, May 9, 2008

An amazing dinner at Maggiano's (one of our favorite restaurants!!!).

After dinner we made our way over to the Marriott Renaissance, where we spent the night.
We were right off of the river and had a view of the Chicago Theater right outside of our room

And yes...Derek took the picture below (isn't he amazing?!?!?)

We went out at 11:00pm (look at how young and fresh we are!!!) and went walking around near the Buckingham Fountain. It must've been prom because there were a million obnoxious high schoolers, dressed up and riding around in limos. We just laughed and were glad to be grown, and celebrating our marriage!!!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

It was a beautiful day as we walked back to our car (parked at work, where I got a ticket for parking overnight...but it was just an MBI ticket and not a "real" one...so no payments needed to be made!!!)

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Breakfast on our back porch on a wonderful sunny, Saturday morning!!!

Baked Banana Bread French Toast
(my go-to breakfast for special events)

Fresh Organic (and SUPER cheap) fruit from Stanley's Fruit Market near work.

And don't forget the coffee in a TIU mug
(where the friendship and sparks all began)!!!

Back at TIU, Jackie graduates with her Masters in Teaching!!!
We are so proud of her!!!

And of course I had to take a trip down memory lane to my old room. 4 years, 1 roomate, 1 room...Suite 1A, Room 111. Some of the best memories and hardest laughs took place in this room with Kathrina!!! I still laugh just as hard with my new roommate, Derek :)

Sunday, May 17, 2009 (Our actual anniversary!!!)
The Bears Fan Convention/Expo
Soldier Field

GM Jerry Angelo, President Ted Phillips, Head coach Lovie Smith

Lovie!!!

Our hero Jay!!!

Jay Culter, Greg Olsen, Matt Forte, Orlando Pace

In the locker room


Urlacher's locker

Cutler's locker. I was hoping to see some juice and glucose tablets in there...but I know this was set up for show!!! (I'm sure he's got some on hand during the games!).



After the long day, we had dinner at Ditka's. The food was AMAZING!!! I had tilapia, pan fryed in vanilla rum sauce with rice and some kind of pineapple-mango salsa. Even the bread and butter was delicious!!!


The day actually began with a surprise bouquet of flowers. Derek told me he had to go to the store to pick up some sharpies for when we see the players at the Expo. I thought that was strange since he has sharpies in every color and thickness!!! When he got home he asked if I could throw in a load of laundry down in the basement. HE normally does the laundry, so again, this was weird, but as a happy wife of 1 year, I went down to the basement to begin the laundry.
When I came upstairs, there was a beautiful bouquet sitting on my pillow!!!

It was the perfect celebration with the perfect man for me!!!